thoughts on a thursday

YOUNG ME-NOW ME: Check out this link: http://colorwar2008.com/submissions/youngnow






So...................

I am frustrated with people lately.

Really frustrated.

Please can I rant a little? Forgive this. But I need to.

I posted that "young me-now me" link for fun but also because it reminds me that we were all young once. And some of us are still young---in hearts and minds. When we were young(er), we had goals, aspirations, maybe even dreams, right? So, did we achieve them? Are we still striving for them? And, if we achieved those goals, what are we going after next? If we didn't achieve them, why didn't we? And have we given up?

I've achieved a lot. I've also let a lot of (pipe) dreams go. Most of my "dreams" had something to do with delusions of grandeur anyway. Fame and the like. But, after living in LA for a few years, I realized that fame was not what I really wanted. Nor did I want to claw after it like a I'm-gay-but-acting-straight waiter at the Ivy. I just wanted a life. And so I made one for myself. And it felt pretty good. It was mine and it was simple.

Over the years, I've felt pride here and there for things I've accomplished. For making people genuinely say "Wow, that's good." Again, it's been mostly a here and there thing. Like a dog getting treats or something. That's because, for me, my work has been about feeling that I've tried my hardest, put some of my heart and personal sweat into it, so that when I go home at the end of the day I can say to myself, Jess, you tried. You didn't quit. You put effort in. You cared.

We all have our on days and our off ones. But on should be the sought-after days. And "striving to be on" should be our default setting. And so, now that I've realized that people are not all I think they are, that most are, in fact, pretty damn average, well, I try even harder. I want to stand out even more. I want my work to count. I want what I do all day long to make somebody smile or think or question something in their life. It doesn't have to change the world. Maybe someday I can do something more important. For now, I just want to be good at what I do.

It infuriates me to work with people who are so....uninspired. So....alright with having more off days than on. So...lazy. So....used to not having to try. Fact is, I've lived in fear most of my working life. So have many of my friends. Of being laid off. Fired. Replaced by the more ambitious junior person. (Actually, I've never been afraid of that last thing because if you compete with me, I will only be that much better. I have a kill instinct. Mess with it. It only makes me kill.) Actually, what I've genuinely feared is being thrown under the bus. Which has happened to me. Because I'm more concerned with doing good work than with politics. That's my weakness. Working. Politics are irritating and in my way. Unfortunately, they matter way too much sometimes.

But this isn't about politics. This is about work. This rant of mine. Work. Why are some people so seemingly allergic to it? Why are they fine with being so average?

What I really want to know is this: what does it take to make changes? What does it take to make someone do better work? I've heard that managers struggle with this question. This is one of their biggest obstacles: how do I motivate my people? Good question. I'm not a manager. If I were, I'd probably fire the dead wood and start fresh. But that's because I'd want to assemble the best possible team I could, a team that's fired up and ready to work hard, put in the time, make things better, shake things up. I'd want to just divorce myself from the no-talent bums who show up day after day doing schlock and calling it work. And going home early. I'd just send them packing. In this economy, they should be scared. But, shockingly, they're not. They're complacent. "I've been here a long time, they won't fire me." And, to boot, they complain!

Eye-opening. This life. Always so eye-opening. It never fails to surprise me the way it all really works. The way it all goes down. In my idealistic viewpoint, I've always wanted to change things. Always and forever. Make it better. Teach me to be better. Learn from me how to be better. Let's all work together and do our best. Why else do we come here every freaking day and spend most of our lives here? Why?!?!

Thanks for listening.

May you root our your young selves, unearth your lost dreamer. Be your best. Every single ever-loving day you get to breathe and eat and shit and avoid dying on this spinning ball we call earth. Get up and do something with your f****ng day!

What else are you doing people? Really, I'd love to know.

Rant over.

Signing off.