copywriter: best drunk?

Stereotypes and cliches are stereotypes and cliches for a reason. To be honest, I've been a horrible stereotype. A boring cliche. In many of my so-called unique experiences and adventures, I'd love to claim complete innovation and awe-inspiring individuality. But, no I'm just a muddied variation, yet another perfect mold made from the original. But I am, at the tender (and, ok, slightly chewy) age of 37, really alright with that.

When it comes to my writing, though, I have never claimed that booze or pot or any other substance makes me better. In fact, I know (for a fact) it makes me worse. A few Stellas with a French Onion soup at Sam Snead's or two, three (who's counting?) large hot sakes at lunch might make me a bit saucier, seemingly happier, and certainly more garrulous and amusing (if only to myself). But, in the grand scheme of things, I am not a better writer with a pint of beer, a martini or any other boozey concotion in my hand. But I've known a few who might be. I won't name names. I just know their brilliance shines through with this in their system. I don't look down upon them for this.

Au contraire.

The thing is, with the few I've known, they are hideously corny and cliched without it! So please, pour them another. And one more for good measure. Without their imbibing, well, the world of advertising is a dull, dull, (and rather cheesey) place. A place where clients nod in merriment and buy their bad work. And it's more than a sad state of affairs when this happens. As we all know (ahem, drinkability) it is the norm rather than the exception.

As for me, well, I'm just a writer. If anyone thinks being a writer (other than the lucky few Carrie on Sex & The City columnists none of us know in real life) is, at all, glamorous, think again. A real writer is a dork. A wordsmith. A little pun-ready geek. I know, I know. We must not use puns. Write it a thousand times across the chalkboard of your copywriter brain. See it living there
"I will not write puns and pretend they are headlines. I will not write puns and pretend they are headlines."
But see if you can live there. That's the copywriter's challenge.

I don't think Augusten Burroughs was the lunch-drinking copywriter who needed the booze to make him great. I think (and no, I don't know exactly what work is his, only that I respect his writing and assume he's telling the truth and all that)...I think he is probably one of the rare few (and yes, it's rare, at best) who is likely a good writer no matter what he's drinking, smoking or ingesting to alter his brain. He's just probably a rare breed. Most of us are either good when sober and not good when inebriated, or bad when sober and only good when plowed.

I'm the former. It sucks. But when I do, finally, have my drink (and that's all I have, mind you), well, I like to think I've somehow earned it.

For those who are best when hammered, well, they get to celebrate all day. Lucky bastards.