buzzwords, the buzzkill

I’ve been surrounded by intimidating smarts before. The kind of smarts that make you wonder if you’ll ever amount to a hill of beans in life. But as you get a little older, a lot of those seemingly “intimidating smarts” turned out to just be really good talkers. Good talkers who really know how to effortlessly toss out these little buzzwords and incomprehensible marketingspeak designed to make an intelligent, well-intentioned, hardworking (usually female) newbie feel like not only an outsider but maybe, horrors, a real dummy.

Things often said by coiffed, cologned and cufflink wearing men.

Things like:

“identify best practices”

“the low-hanging fruit”

“push the envelope”

“capture mindshare”

“are we polishing a turd here?”

“perhaps cast a wider net”

“dimensionalize that paradigm”

“tear down some silos”

“the scenery only changes for the lead dog”

Meanwhile, everyone’s nodding.
Taking notes.
Sipping their boardroom table burned coffees.
Saying equally hideous things like:

“I’ll circle back to you on that”

“Are we on the same page?”

“Noodle that”

“Let’s explore core competencies”

“Next steps”

I can’t think of any more at this very moment but "at the end of the day" I’m sure I will. Oh yeah, other stuff like “30,000 foot view” and “where the rubber meets the road” and a real sweetie: “the smell test.” Good times!

As an impressionable young copywriter back in 1999, the big term was (let’s all gag in unison): “We’re all about thinking outside the box here.” Yeah, we get it. Like coloring outside the lines. Big whoop. It makes for a stupid, lazy, dumb-kid-did-it sort of crayon gone mad mess. Later on you learn that no client wants anything that doesn’t come in a neat, tidy container. So stay in your box. You belong there. It’s where the money gets made.

Anyway, now I realize that clarity is best. It’s always been best. Clarity is where communication thrives. Is that clear? If you can still say what you want to say in a clever, interesting way, great. If not, stick to clarity. Otherwise you lose people. And nobody buys anything. And the client moves on to an agency that can deliver smart, CLEAR creative. And you’re out of that nice, cushy, outside-box job. Suddenly making a staggering $275 a week off the good ole Florida government wondering how in hell you’re gonna pay for that Lexus.

I digress. Sorry, did I just get personal?

All I can say is that the box is cozy. Stay in it. Be smart.

In the meantime, get clear. Please.

I read on NPR this week a great reminder about simplicity and impact, the “Six Word Memoir” made truly famous by Ernest Hemingway years ago.

Hemingway’s goes:

“For Sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.”

If the hair isn’t standing up on the back of your neck people, stop reading now. You’re not my friend.

Anyway, the point is: you can say a lot with very little. And you can be very clear, too.

What if, on the other hand Hemingway wrote:

“SIDS. Sad. Shoes Straight to Goodwill.”

Just doesn’t have that one-two-punch does it? (There I go again. I’m telling you, this marketingspeak is a tough habit to break).

So can you please do me a favor, and yourselves an even bigger favor, and let’s all try a little less marketingspeak?
(No matter how smart you think it makes you look). To me, and to a lot of my friends (who shall remain nameless, for now), it actually makes you look like a wannabe jackass who is, yes, very much so…polishing a big, stinky, steaming turd. And no, you can’t make ice cream out of horseshit. (another gem I’d forgotten about).

If you’re not sure if a product is going to work or sell or what, don’t give it a “smell test.” Gross.

In that next meeting, and this is pretty revolutionary stuff, I know….why not astound your peers and say, simply:

“Let’s see if this works!”

Now that’s some intimidating smarts.

Peace out yo. That’s all I gotta say. Carry on friends.